Dear Olivia Marie,
We took a walk this evening. You wanted to play in the
backyard and not take a walk, so the compromise was that you could walk beside
me pushing your baby in the toy stroller while I pushed your car in case you
wanted to ride if you got tired of walking. Some compromises are worth making.
This one...not so much.
You stopped walking every few feet,
To adjust the baby doll.... I reminded myself that the point
of the walk is to get out of the house and enjoy the evening (turns out that it’s
not an enjoyable evening......it’s still hot, humid, and there are mosquitoes.)
To put the baby doll in the car..... I reminded myself that
the walk is about the journey and not the destination.
To pick up a stick.....I reminded myself that you are still
young enough to find joy in things like sticks in the street and that I should
savor every moment because you are growing up quickly.
To look at a crack in the cement.......I reminded myself
that there are lessons I could learn as an adult from watching your innocence
and wonder in the small details that I don’t even notice anymore.
To look at the Halloween decor a neighbor put out (way too
early, btw)....I reminded myself that I am thankful to live in a safe, nice
area where we can take a worry-free walk around the block.
To strap the baby doll in.....I reminded myself that this
slow a*$ walk is still more exercise than sitting and watching tv.
To count the pumpkins on the neighbor’s porch.....I reminded
myself that deep breaths can help calm my mind when I feel anxiety starting to
creep up.
To literally stop and smell the flowers.....I reminded
myself that this walk is not going to burn any calories and I really want a
glass of wine when you go to bed.
To get in the car and then out of the car.....I reminded
myself that losing my mind is not a helpful experience for you, myself, or the
people sitting on the porch across the street.
To....oh no, I lost it. Now you are crying and I feel bad. Maybe
pointing out the airplane or the squirrel will distract you from lamenting your
fortune of having me as a mother. When we get home I’ll make those frozen
chicken nuggets again and continue this thing called motherhood like a real
champ.
I’ll do better tomorrow.....fingers crossed.
Love,
Mommy
