Dear Olivia Marie,
Today you are 3 years old. You are really interested in
stories and want to hear one every night, so here’s the story that explains how
you came to be...When two people love each other, they....maybe not that
part of the story.
Once upon a time, Mommy and Daddy decided to not ever have
kids. There are several reasons why and all of them are valid. I won’t go into them
here, but I do want you to remember that having a child should be a choice you
make when the time is right. But I’ll love you and support you if you have one
when the time is less than preferred. I’ll also buy you birth control (actually
it might be free....I’ll have to check).
But I digress...
Mommy and Daddy knew that having a child would add so much
more expense and hassle to our lives and decided to opt out. After all, people
seem so happy once their children are grown and out of the house.....it made
better sense to skip the years where the children live at home and just keep an
empty nest.
But every once in a while your daddy would say “Having
kids might not be so bad. It might actually be a little fun.” And then I would respond in some form or fashion
of “Nope.”
Then one day, at the Commodore Theatre, daddy once again made
his case and had a reasonable argument against every reason I gave to not have
kids. It was very frustrating because his points were correct and it was
obvious that I was making a fear based decision and that’s really no way to live. We discussed how we may regret never having children, but would never regret having one once he/she arrived.
So we got pregnant on the first try. And then that baby didn’t
make it past the first trimester. Then nothing happened for a while. I lost the
nervous excitement I originally had at the beginning of the process. We had
time to think about all the great reasons we had to remain child-free and decided
that we wouldn’t go through with the whole baby thing anymore.
And then the weirdest thing happened. This is going to sound
crazy, but I promise it is true.
I was in our home office (which now doubles as
your playroom) working on a graduate school paper and had a mental block. I was
unable to complete my work and I said out loud “Why can’t I get this done?!”
and although I was completely alone, I heard a voice say “You’re missing it.”
Two thoughts crossed my mind: 1) I’m missing what? 2)Who the
(bleep) said that? “You’re missing it” the voice said again.....then I got a
feeling in my chest- a tingling sensation. And in an instant, I knew I had to
keep trying for a baby. It was as if the desire for motherhood was put in place
by some supernatural force. It was weird. But it happened and I couldn’t ignore
it.
Over the next few months, I tried to reason this experience
away, but the truth is what it is and I couldn’t brush it off.
Months later, I dreamed that I took a positive pregnancy
test. Then a few weeks later, in the spring of 2013, it happened for real. I poured your dad a beer
and put the test stick beside it. We were afraid to get too excited because of
the miscarriage the year before, but somehow I knew this was going to go
differently. And sure enough on December 19, 2013, you arrived.
The love, pride, and joy we feel for you far outweigh the
negative aspects of parenthood.
We are so glad you are here.
You, my friend, were divinely inspired.
Love, Mommy
